I'm one of those people who adore New Year's holidays and can't hardly wait for the season of Christmas movies, trees, decorations and presents to begin. All that colourfulness and joy make me really happy, even though I usually spend the New Year’s Eve and days after that in my pyjamas, with movies and puzzles. However, as I work as a psychotherapist both before and after the holidays, I know very well that for many people this holiday season can be a scene from quite different movie. A movie that is not a touching, American Christmas film adorned with beauty, but a drama full of stress, loneliness and anxiety. If you recognize yourself in this second story, you should know that you are not alone.

Research done in America shows that 64% of persons living with mental illness think that their condition worsens during the holiday season. At the same time, as many as 38% of respondents in the group of those who do not have mental health problems, say that their stress increases during the holiday season, which often leads to physical illnesses, depression, anxiety and substance abuse. As the main reasons for this the respondents state: lack of time, financial pressure, giving presents and family gatherings.

Although the focus was on the New Year holidays in these studies, we could say that these things are a common cause of stress and anxiety during the rest of the year as well, because we live in a time when many things seem stressful and uncertain. Let’s look back at the previous year. January started, we have just overcome Corona and just as we thought that life was returning to normal, the Russian-Ukrainian story and new uncertainty began. We were (and are) bombarded on a daily basis, with stories that there will be no electricity, heating, food... Housing prices and living expenses are rising, and financial pressure is growing. Desiring to somehow strengthen our resources, we work more and more and have less and less time for ourselves and others. There is more and more violence, tension and conflicts in schools and the community. How people report on that adds to the stress and anxiety and this is passed on to our families and ourselves. There are more and more physical illnesses and mental health problems, and fewer and fewer resources to help us deal with them. And then the holidays really come as a kind of ’icing on the cake’ – be it the icing that adds sweetness and additional enjoyment or just the one ’Damn, this is the last thing I need.’ kind of icing.

It is clear that holidays and celebrations can be also the time of joy and time of stress. However, the end of the year is not only the festive season, but also the time when we naturally think about the year that passed and about the one that follows. The time when we think about how satisfied we are with our situation. The time when we analyse where we were a year ago, where we are now, as well as the time when we brainstorm and map out where we want to be a year from then. Those more optimistic believe that new year will bring some new path and new life. They make New Year’s resolutions and start to implement them enthusiastically. Those more pessimistic believe that everything will be the same (or worse), with the difference that we will still be one year older and one year closer to the end. The hyper-realistic ones say ’it's a day like any other’ and just move on to that and the next day.

If this was a lecture or conversation, I believe that someone would now ask ’so, what should we do, i.e. what is the healthiest way; what is the best way to celebrate or make through the holiday season’? The truth is that there is no correct or the best way. The crucial thing here is ’what is best for me; what do I need’. If you want to celebrate, gather people, spend more, give presents to the ones you love, to decorate the whole place to be really shining, then do it. You should sometimes rejoice and cherish that ’happy child’ mode. If, on the other hand, you won't make balances and New Year's resolutions, if you don't feel and don't want that festive euphoria, if you want to be alone, to grieve or to sleep it all off and wait for it to pass, that's fine. Sometimes you need to let yourself be at peace. It is only important that you listen to what you need and what would please you and give it to yourself. Even when others (even if it was family) think or insist that it should be different. If you need to give yourself something for the holidays, let it be permission to be your true self. Let it be some action that will show that you have heard and appreciated yourself and your needs - that you are important to yourself.

New year will certainly come, and we will yet to see what it will bring us. I sincerely hope that it will be happy for us all and with lot less reasons for anxiety. Yet, we cannot influence much, to whether and how often different crises will happen. What we can influence is the way we see and overcome crises. That’s why I wish you to strengthen your resources, especially the relationship with yourself and others. Close relationships and togetherness represent the most important resource and ’natural antibiotic’ so let’s cherish it in 2023. Let’s be there for each other, let’s give and take, care about our environment but also about wider community. Let's build a little bit more beautiful and more just world together.